What Language A Narcissist Uses To Break You Down and how to recognise them.
Most of us spend our days doing the best we can and making the most of things. We may not be over-stretching ourselves when it comes to helping others, but we certainly don’t go out of our way to upset or hurt others. Intentionally stressing someone out or making them feel beneath us is not something that crosses our minds. The same cannot be said for the day in the life of a Narcissist.
Manipulating people is what makes narcissists tick. The easiest and most efficient way for a narcissist to accomplish this is their use of words. If you’re trying to figure out if someone in your life is a narcissist, here are some clues to the language they use to break you down.
Passing Comments of a Narcissist
Narcissists won’t hit you with
straight-up insults; they like to be sneaky in their approach.
Narcissists use a more subtle approach to abusive comments rather than
straight-up name-calling or insults. This makes it easier to claim that
you misunderstood their words if you accuse them of being rude or
You can find narcissists' insults hidden within their compliments. They pay you a compliment but swipe it from you and belittle you simultaneously. They can use remarks like “you look good today compared to yesterday” or “Amazing, you surprisingly did a good job.” You will find yourself wondering should you be thanking them for the compliment or should you be questioning if they were insulting you.
Gaslighting is Narcissist behaviourMost of you will have heard of the term gaslighting, something all narcissists use. Liars by nature, narcissists, alter facts, omit parts of the story, and twist it in whatever way they want to get you to believe what they are saying.
Gaslighting is used to confuse the victim. The truth is twisted all the time, and you will be made to feel like you remember things incorrectly. You eventually start to doubt yourself and your memory, you may even begin to question your sanity. You start to feel like you can’t trust yourself and you end up relying on them more.
How gaslighting happens
These behaviours can include;
- Withholding (meaning he or she refuses to listen or says they don’t understand)
- Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event)
- Blocking/diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)
- Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant)
- Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)
For a more detailed Explanation of GasLighting. Go Here
Build You Up To Tear You Down
The narcissist will put you on a pedestal, shower you with love and affection one minute, then the next will treat you with disdain, belittle you and chip away at your self-worth. They are such extreme behaviours that cause great confusion. When you are dealing with a narcissist in your life, you never know which side of them they will show.
“I was only joking,” is the most commonly used phrase for any narcissist. This phrase has two benefits for a narcissist, they can get away with whatever they say as it was “only a joke.” Secondly, they can make you out to be the overly sensitive buzz kill to their humour. You should be apologising to them for overreacting.
They have a similar move of playing the victim all the time and passing blame. If they’ve done something wrong and you question it, they will turn it all around on you. You are suddenly to blame and should be apologising for your reaction. The weird part is, they manage to make you feel like you should be apologising!!
Giving you the silent treatment is one of the narcissist's most powerful tactics to torment you. If you’ve upset them, the narcissist will give you the silent treatment for as long as they like. They will ignore you, be dismissive of you, and treat you like a piece of dirt. This will leave you feeling utterly insignificant without their approval. They will have you begging them for attention, and it makes you feel as if you need them in your life for you to be significant and worthy. A narcissist only cares about themselves and what suits them. And they expect you to accommodate them; you should work your life around their needs and wants. They have no problems manipulating and tormenting you purely for pleasure; they get a kick out of it. If you stay too long in this relationship, you will be left traumatised with no self-worth or self-esteem. It can take a very long time for you to rebuild your self-worth.
My Personal Experience
Narcissists don't know they are Narcissists. If they did they wouldn't behave as such. Of course, at the time it's hard to believe that a so-called loved one would treat you in such a way. Once you leave that relationship the details become clearer. It seems to me that they are unaware of their actions and driven by their own insecurities and Egos. Consciousness is everything, not many people are in my experience. Don't get me wrong, none of us are conscious all of the time but with practice, I believe it's possible to live in the moment most of the time. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle helped me become conscious most of the time. This book helped me wake up from a life of brainwashing and blinkered vision.
Beware. Protect Yourself. It's ok to put yourself first in spite of what society may tell you. You can still be kind to yourself and others at the same time. If you are not well, what good are you to anyone.......